Объект №: SCP-7128
Класс объекта: Безопасный
Особые условия содержания: Каждый экземпляр SCP-7128 is to be kept in a single padded cutlery case in Low-Yield Item Storage Facility 1 at Site-43. Care must be taken not to disturb this case. Individual instances may not be removed for testing for periods exceeding one hour. Conservation efforts must be oriented toward preserving the remaining enamel coating and preventing further damage.
Описание: SCP-7128 — это набор из семи одинаковых памятных кофейных ложек сделанных по образу военнослужащего Королевских военно-воздушных сил Канады. Ложки были заказаны семьями 444-й эскадрильи Канадских ВВС после уничтожения 12 самолётов экспериментальным оружием Obskuracorps, управляемым с морской подводной лодки, в январской битве 1945 года при Юклулете, Британская Колумбия. As this act occurred in a populated area, a concentrated program of amnesticization and document alteration was undertaken by the Foundation. The 444 was stricken from the record entirely, and its members listed killed in action in a variety of training accidents across the Canadian home front.
However, as coverup efforts were undertaken in concert with the RCAF and the Occult and Supernatural Activity Taskforce of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, procedural differences resulted in a serious oversight. Under the assumption that the 444 would be properly memorialized for their service, OSAT officials authorized the use of metal from each of the twelve Supermarine Spitfire Mk.I aircraft downed at Ucluelet to produce a commemorative spoon for each pilot. Only one spoon was mailed before Foundation operatives discovered the error and addressed it; due to poor recordkeeping on the part of OSAT, it could not subsequently be relocated until its recipient had melted it down to recover the metal. All other materials recovered from the crash sites were neutralized and disintegrated.
Each SCP-7128 instance exhibits Safe-range paraspectral energy. This energy intensifies when the instances are jarred, overturned, or separated from each other for any length of time, and 'flares' when the instances are damaged. After sustaining such damage, an instance's paraspectral emissions permanently increase to a minor but measurable extent.
The members of No. 444 Squadron RAF, and their respective SCP-7128 instances, are as follows:
| Имя | Экземпляр |
|---|
| Хейден Эдлок | SCP-7128-1 |
| Джон Барбер | SCP-7128-2 |
| Мак Брэдбери | SCP-7128-3 |
| Эрни Холл | SCP-7128-4 |
| Риз Джексон младший | SCP-7128-5 |
| Хорас Китон | SCP-7128-6 |
| Берт Келли | SCP-7128-7 |
| Аарон Ли | SCP-7128-8 |
| Остин Маклауд | SCP-7128-9 |
| Джерри Сэвидж | Н/Д |
| Джейкоб старший | SCP-7128-10 |
| Джон Вуд | SCP-7128-11 |
Mediums from the International Centre for Unified Thaumatology have conducted séances to attempt postmortem contact with the pilots from No. 444 Squadron RCAF, reporting an abnormally weak response on each occasion. When conducted in the presence of the appropriate SCP-7128 instance, however, paraspectral energy emission approaches the Euclid level. No coherent patterns can be discerned in these emissions.
Attempts to contact Jerry Savidge, the pilot whose SCP-7128 instance was destroyed by its recipient, have uniformly produced no response at all.
TotleighSoft - Потому что КОМПЬЮТЕРЫ!
!!! ПРЕВЕТ ПОТАНЦЕВАЛЬНЫЕ ИВНЕСТАРЫ !!
Саобшчение от вилколепнаго гендерехтора TotleighSoft P. Hudson Gock каторый хтател би скозать слава к тебе:
"All wark and no ploy maks Gock a Reel Good at his Jab Boy"
- Stanlye Kooberk
"It would be in the best interests of mankind's survival if SCP-2803-A were to continue its current occupation. While unpleasant, it's immeasurably preferable to the alternative."
- Dr. Lissle Nasmith, SCCP Fundation
"Letting TotleighSoft take care of our social media design was the best decision we've made in years. Their rates are low, they finished way ahead of our deadline — and best of all, everyone who looked at our website died of a sudden, aggressive brain hemorrhage! Our secret is safe. Thanks, TotleighSoft!"
- Karsist Gedeon Vörös, Esotantic Odoror of teh Wite Worm
"TOTLEIGHSOFT is MANY GOOD! Yis tis is reely me. TOTLEIGHSOFT can hav all my corpations i gif ful constent"
"check it out gaiz you can put whatever text you want in the statement at the top of the page imma replace it with garfield smutfics and take screenshots"
- @razorfleshlight, Гамеры проив тровы
"TotleighSoft is a very good company. We are not being coerced whatsoever. I am not in danger. Do not rescue me. I am now going to die for tragic but unrelated reasons."
- Inspacter from Betar Busiines Bureauu
"As we violently shove the breakable bodies of our collective psyche through the two-inch hole that is technological progress, we here at Vikander-Kneed have just two words about how it was made possible: Totally. Soft. Because 1. that's what TotleighSoft sounds like, and 2. only through their digital guiding hand could we have been molded into something soft enough to break through to the other side. Thank you for keeping us adaptably flaccid."
- Viklanderned Techacl Madia
"Why won't you fucking DIE?!"
- Golbal Acolt Coalfishing Scout Troper Who Was Vury Delishus
"I have just received word that we have abolished analog forever. We begin the downloading in five minutes. TotleighSoft attached its meaty appendectomies upon the nerves of my scalp and all the wheedling bagpipes of children's digestive systems ring out their droning refrain through the glade. Lubricate your RAM chips before giving Mr. Gorbachev my regards."
D. Ulysses Foole's Proposal
…WE HAF INDEEED MAID BETER INVASTMENTS.
Dafydd Utica Foolfellow's Proposal
SHEES GOT A SMAIL TAT SEMES TO MEEE / REDMINS ME OF CHALDHUD MEMOREES / WEN EVERTHEINGS WASA S FRASH AS THA BRAT BLO SKIII / NO WAND TEN WEN I SEE HUR FATES / SHE TAKS ME AWYA TO TAT SPETSHUL PLAS / AN IF IS STAY TO LANG, I PRBABLY BRAK DOWN AND CRIIIII / WOOOOOOOoOOoOoO SWAT CHALD OF MIN / WOOO A O OOO SWAT LUV OF MIN
Skeeve Online
ONLIN INTRACTIONS NOT RATID BY ERSBEE
SCP-2219 - КАША
Depress START to Levesque. PROVE YOU WROTH!
SCP-2527 - ШАНСЦ ДЛЯ МАССИ
CAN UR GOD MOOF ON A GRID??? CHECKMAET EVEN JELLICLES
SCP-2803
*GAPS* WHO IS TAT HANSUM DEBIL???
SCP-3492 - Жизнь медвежья в Totleigh
SUM CAL IT PIRASEE. TOTLEIGHSOFT CAL IT FREE LABER!!!
SCP-4587 - Собачья роль
WEWF
SCP-4962 - dack hunt REMIST ER
QUANK
SCP-5188 - Fronglyfoot Street
IT SEM TOO DAY THAT AL U C IS VIOLENTS IN MOOFIES AND SECKS ON TEE VEE BUT WEAR AR DOES GOOT OLD FACTHION DVALUS ON WITCH WE USE TO RE LAAAAAAIIIIIII
SCP-6359 - American American
"SCAW" - eegl
SCP-6697 - Serenity Never
IWAS INDAPUL
SCP-6752 - A WINNER IS YOU!
(Dicklaimser: a winer may naut actual be u, sry)
SCP-7702 - Dragon's Dream
STIL WATEING ON TAT INVOITS FOR HELPIG KIL UR STOOPID DREEM MANPIULATOIN DEEMON, FOUNDASHIN
(Heavy sigh.)
'sup, y'all. It's your old pal Daveyoufool, breakin' the fourth wall all over your binch faces.
Look, I'm not about to tell you that there's a set in stone format for TotleighSoft. That would imply Mr. Gock knows what he's doing.
Instead, I'll tell you that there are just two cardinal rules to work around:
1. P. Hudson Gock is not evil. He's not "good" in any sense of the word, but he has no ulterior motives for running this anomalous software corporation. His moral philosophy is a combination of three things: 1. a hasty back-jacket description of the American Dream, 2. an unknowable eldritch alien apex predator's idea of "fair competition", and 3. extreme naivete & dumbassery. In his own ham-fisted way, he genuinely wants to use anomalous consumer electronics to help Americans help themselves.
2. TotleighSoft's borken engilsh shulod be stil recoganzible enugoh to be red. The most effective way of doing this is to rearrange the letters in a word while still keeping the first and last letter. (Also, Mr. Gock never spells TotleighSoft or his own name incorrectly.)
Other than that… have fun.
