Dear [Name],
It is my pleasure to welcome you to [Department Name.] You have been chosen from amongst your peers for your [Relevant work experience.] and [Positive personal quality.]
The Department handles a very specific subset of anomalous phenomena affecting [Relevant Information concerning the Department.]
[Additional paragraphs detailing relevant duties covered by the Department.]
Regards,
John Doe
Department of Unreality
Director
[CLICK TO EDIT TEXT]
The building blocks of deconstruction.
(Ordered Chronologically.)
The Afternoon (Department of Unreality Orientation) – by Пользователь 'Fishish' не существует.
I grab a bagel and head out into Site-19.
Your Imaginary Friend – by Пользователь 'Fishish' не существует and Пользователь 'Deadly Bread' не существует.
Slowly, I try solving a puzzle with no real pieces.
Something Glowing – By Пользователь 'Deadly Bread' не существует.
all ancillary functions will be moved to preventing subjective reality loss during this process.
The Castaway From Unreality – by Пользователь 'Fishish' не существует.
In the time I've been at Site-19, I've done maybe one or two things that could be considered actual work.
It's Not Real, It Never Was, You Pathetic Fools – by Пользователь 'Fishish' не существует.
Material Requirements: Nothing. (Already in my possession)
SCP-6208 - Amnesia Was Her Name – by Пользователь 'Elunerazim' не существует and Пользователь 'Fishish' не существует.
Foundation staff are to be made aware of the existence of the SCP Foundation Department of Unreality.
SCP-6938 – Alex Thorley Gets A Gift Horse – by Пользователь 'Uncle Nicolini' не существует and Пользователь 'Fishish' не существует.
"Any objections?"
Haunt Me, Haunt Me, Haunt Me – by Пользователь 'Fishish' не существует.
The morning sun hates you, and everything hurts.
Disintegration – by Пользователь 'Fishish' не существует.
[02.39 AM] — Alex Thorley: I'm scared of blood.
SCP-001-NULL - Fishish’s Proposal – by Пользователь 'Fishish' не существует.
We'll meet again. Same as it ever was.
Site-19 Cafeteria
O.R. #: 000000 Guest: 7
Cashier: N/A 18:24:30 PM
13/02/2021
1 Plain Bagel 1.75
1 D Water bottle 0.99
Subtotal 2.74
12% VAT 0.32
Amount Due: 3.06
Running on Empty
Standalone tales featuring the Department of Unreality (singular).
Alex Thorley Eats A Burger – by Пользователь 'syuzhet' не существует.
The smell of cooked meat, the taste of it on your tongue, the soft fat oozing from between the edges of your teeth.
It's a nice thing to be able to eat real food for once.
Alex Thorley Hungers For a Bagel – by Пользователь 'JakdragonX' не существует.
Oh, speaking of feeling things: I'm still hungry.
alex thorley dreams of sushi. – by Пользователь 'LORDXVNV' не существует.
You would expect an ocean this big to have actual waves, but it's just ripples. They're just there. They'll never crash onto the shore. There won't ever be a climax.
The Blank Page – by Пользователь 'Prismal' не существует.
You stare at the empty page, scared.
Alex Thorley's Christmas Special – by Пользователь 'FLOORBOARDS' не существует.
After [Period of time of employment.] we are [Sad/relived/excited.] to see you go. Your transfer from [Insert former Department here.] to [Insert current Department here.] has been approved. We are thankful you have continued to dutifully serve the Foundation in our mission.
Alex Thorley Goes on a Blind Date – by Пользователь 'IronShears' не существует.
You are Alex Thorley. You have been waiting for 30 minutes.
Give me Back to the Sky – by Пользователь 'Fishish' не существует.
You have never felt better, which makes you nauseous.
Alex Thorley Writes A Poem – by Пользователь 'IndustryStandard' не существует.
//You don't need to know your hands // if you do no work.//
ILLCOVETYOUIFYOUCOVERME – by Пользователь 'FLOORBOARDS' не существует.
Kindness: But the defense of love remains where it was: Standing on the bastion of the night, overlooking the red dawn where one day the sky will be painted with yellow stars as well.
[Donald John Trump exits from behind the podium. He smiles widely and repeatedly bows. He waves both his hands. He looks back and forth.]
Sundial – by Пользователь 'Aftokrator' не существует.
What is the inverse of a human being?
Maga zine – by Пользователь 'Prismal' не существует.
Open?
Alex Thorley in A Dramatic Irony – by Пользователь 'Cyvstvi' не существует.
ALEX THORLEY
I’m just going through the motions. That’s all.
Alex Thorley Confuses a Guy – by Пользователь 'Kothardarastrix' не существует.
"I don’t not do anything."
**BAROQUE** – by Пользователь 'Fishish' не существует.
How this make u feel white boy
scatterbrained. – by Пользователь 'Troutmaskreplica' не существует.
god, what am i doing?
[ACCESS DENIED]
Standalone SCPs involving the Department of Unreality (plural).
SCP-5863 – Myths Made Plain – by Пользователь 'SynthPanda_' не существует.
The nature of SCP-5863 is currently unknown to the Foundation. The following proposed explanations are currently under investigation.
SCP-983 – The Party is Today – by Пользователь 'FLOORBOARDS' не существует.
I can't keep pretending these aren't presents from myself.
SCP-6478 – Not Dementia - It's Something Else – by Пользователь 'Quicksilvers' не существует.
The results and side effects of ingesting SCP-6478-1 are inconclusive.
SCP-6558 – Word Disassociation – by Пользователь 'tstaffor' не существует.
Special Containment Procedures: Containment.
SCP-7591 – Alex Thorley Kills A Guy – by Пользователь 'PlaguePJP' не существует.
Lague: Have you ever had violent thoughts?
SCP-7195 – Alex Thorley Gets A Cat – by Пользователь 'Prismal' не существует.
Thorley meows.
SCP-7195 meows.
SCP-7356 – Noncanonical Materials – by Пользователь 'FLOORBOARDS' не существует.
Those in the presence of SCP-7356 have not reported adverse effects. However, assigned ritualists — even those who had been amnesticized — have reported experiencing dreams depicting an unknown species of bird, possibly a crow or raven, gliding down a hallway.
SCP-7365 – Take/Off/Day – by Пользователь 'IndustryStandard' не существует.
Congratulations! You have won (earned) a complementary, all-expenses-paid, trip around the world!
SCP-6352 – Mother Died Today – by Пользователь 'fabuIa' не существует.
You are not a member of the Department of Unreality. This does not concern you.
SCP-7488 – anything for your eyes – by Пользователь 'winkwonkboi' не существует.
They all died, screaming. SCP-7488 wields a gun. The bullets are painted in kaleidoscopic hues.
SCP-7413 – Rhizomatic Serial Killer – by Пользователь 'FLOORBOARDS' не существует.
Several calls were made to the police precinct of northern ████████, ██████, USA, in which a low, androgynous voice stated "there is a killer on the loose" before hanging up.
SCP-8993 – embody – by Пользователь 'SynthPanda_' не существует.
While the SCP-8993 CORE will regain what was lost, it will never regain its shape.
SCP-8591 — Alex Thorley Doesn’t Get Away With It – by Пользователь 'PlaguePJP' не существует.
Thorley: (On the phone) It’s here again.
SCP-8195 — Alex Thorley Gets Away With It – by Пользователь 'Syuzhet' не существует.
Thorley: (On the phone) Yeah, no, that's okay.
Thorley: Like… chicken? No, that's fine. Just get that one instead.
Thorley: Yep.
Thorley: No, really, it's it's okay. We'll talk about it later, okay?
Thorley:
Thorley: Love you, bye.
SCP-7646 — Alex Thorley is Implicated in the DuPont Teflon Scandal – by Пользователь 'Billith' не существует.
The consequences of SCP-7646's existence, as well as the existence of similar events, are to be ameliorated in perpetuity by the ongoing efforts of OPERATION ALEX THORLEY DRINKS 700+ GLASSES OF WATER.
NULLISOMY
A veces dejo de respirar por un instante..
SCP-CN-2186 - Alex Thorley每次回办公室都看到同事在装死 – by Пользователь 'sjx07' не существует.
Alex Thorley had died at Alex Thorley's hands a few times, but Alex Thorley was still alive, still writing this document, still able to kill Alex Thorley if they so wished.
SCP-031-VN - Listen To The Whispers Of The Unreals – by Пользователь 'Welpermander' не существует.
[DATA IRRELEVANT]: Unreality is so basic, so easy to comprehend. You are but a burden to everyone. Nobody here is not disappointed with you.
SCP-ZH-161 - Alex Thorley Works From 9 To 5 – by Пользователь 'Kikunai' не существует.
Mouse and Keyboard: Frequently being pressed; of which frequency of the mouse's usage is higher than that of the keyboard.
[MEMORY UNALLOCATED]
Portraits of what lies between.
Alex Thorley is a They by Пользователь 'LOVEMARGINAL' не существует
the vitruvian thorley and the cat in the box, #000000 on #FFFFFF by Пользователь 'LORDXVNV' не существует
Donald Trump and 19 Others Indicted in Georgia on Charges Related to the Illegal Attempt to Overturn the 2020 Election by Пользователь 'SynthPanda_' не существует
Alex Thorley pressed the escape key by Пользователь 'Kikunai' не существует
What is this?
Nice try Officer.
The Department of Unreality is a Foundation department 1 that handles a set of anomalous phenomena. You really have to not see it to believe it.
[CLICK TO EDIT TEXT] encompasses the original articles written by team The Wiggles Hate Each Other in Real Life for DEPARTMENTCON 2022, as well as a continuation by Пользователь 'Fishish' не существует.
Although the department is open to interpretation, only articles internally consistent with those articles already on the hub are eligible to be added to it. Please contact Пользователь 'Fishish' не существует through either Wikidot PMs or Discord if you have any questions.
Writing Guide
It has to be good.
One of the rules, as a freebie: Alex Thorley is the only existing employee for the department.